I'm so thankful for Thanksgiving
Sure, it doesn’t offer the loot from Christmas/Hanukah, the
fireworks on the Fourth of July, or the New Year’s Eve party (a personal
toughie since it’s my birthday). What
it does give me is a 4 day holiday – a boon engrained from every school year
from kindergarten through 20th grade. Learning wasn’t restricted to math, social
studies and French; I learned right away that once a year a Friday becomes a
Saturday. “School’s closed” shares honors
with its subsets “snow day” and “summer vacation” as my most cherished 2-word
phrases.
The gift of an extra Saturday is so much better than a
winter respite of just a 3-day weekend pass from President’s Day or
Memorial Day. And don’t get me started on how nice the
extra hour of sleep is for daylight savings because they it take back 6 months
later.* Now, slip me an extra hour of
sleep every weekend and then maybe DST could give TG a contest.
Being idle on Friday was built into my belief system. Even now as an adult I believe we should all
have the day off. (Editor’s note: Please
do not tell my staff I wrote that!) But
it’s not just the day off that lets me celebrate it as a kid’s holiday. I love that my only obligation is to over-consume.
This is perfect because Gluttony and Sloth are two of my favorite 7 sins. Actually, my other 5 have their own holiday milieus:
Greed and Envy rule at Christmas, Wrath and Pride duke it out at New Year’s over
year-end bonuses (the report card for adults), while Lust is powerful enough to
claim Valentine’s Day for itself.
To eat and collapse, that’s my ticket. And there are cornucopias a-plenty. My first year in Los Angeles I was invited to
5 Thanksgiving dinners – and didn’t miss a leg, a wing, a haunch, a slab, a cut
of anything that flew or walked. And
true to my inner kid’s delight, Thanksgiving meals are without vegetables - at
least not in their naked form. Carrots are
a cake, zucchini is a bread, sweet potatoes come coated with melted
marshmallows, pumpkin only exists as pie, spinach is heavy creamed, corn has so much butter it’s “corn
Kiev”, and anything else green is submerged under so much gravy I consider it a
beverage.
“Carbohydrates?” I hear you say? Biscuits, muffins, rolls, popovers – I eat my
daily bread hourly. And passing on stuffing
(aka: more bread!) is plain bad manners.
Have some bread and stuffing leftover?
Try a stuffing sandwich with gravy.
You’ll never go back to Hamburger Helper.
And on to dessert. The
Halloween sugar binge was a dinky warm up lap to the sweet Thanksgiving
marathon. Pies, cakes, cookies, nuts,
puddings, syrups, ice cream (sorbets are banned for the weekend!), caramel,
chocolate Turkeys, whipped cream… Yum!. Plus I wash it all down with ciders, beers,
wines, and all sorts of free-flowing alcohol, for which I cite Tiny Tim: “God
Bless, Uber, everyone.“
So this Thanksgiving, when I recall what I’m grateful for, I
will give thanks to our Pilgrim forebears who did mimic bears and packed on as
much fat as fast as possible in anticipation of winter. So, bring me my mead - and have a wonderful,
wonderful Thanksgiving!
*I’d call
that “Indian giving” but that’s especially weird on Thanksgiving when Native
Americans saved the lives of the Pilgrims.
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